YES DAD YOU BREATHE, YOUR DEAD TO US……

From people’s opinions about atm fathers an issue evolved. The fact that although we are society filled with ATM fathers, society does have fathers that are alive but dead in their own capacity. These fathers were described as fathers that are not available at all to their families. They reside in one house with the family but fail to fulfill their role as the MAN of the house.
Research has served a great purpose for my blog. People whom I thought don’t have daddy issues are the people that requested to have their story told. This has made me and the people around me aware of the anger that we live with. The fact that we are expected to accept the notion of absent or the atm dads, reflects the condition of our society and the way we think.
Read on, this is written by a lady who lives with the DEAD BUT ALIVE father daily for the past 24 years.
Yes your alive, yes you breathe, yes your loved by many, yes your
famous, yes your name ke Papa…but to me you don’t exist at all.

From a young age i always knew you were different but could never
figure out how. Always thought you were the worlds greatest but i
really wasn’t aware of who you really were.

I believe that my perspective of men has been drastically shattered
only cause you didn’t play your part very well.

One morning in the year 2003, you somehow left and never came back
home. At that moment my world just collapsed, my world fell into
pieces. I cried day and night for days on end…to the point of
depression. I fell into depression cauze of what i had heard..i heard
that you were leaving us. I tried to digest what was going on but
failed miserably and that is how i landed up in a psychiatry ward…i
thought maybe you’d come to see me cause i was ill but you didn’t show
up, a week went by and still you didn’t show up.

By then i already knew that you didn’t care much about me.

I don’t know how it happened and why but you found your senses and
came back home. Man was i excited…i mean i had every reason to be
excited. My world was going to look normal, i have my daddy
back.. little did i know this was going to be the worst thing i could
have ever wished for..

You and i fight like cat and dog..i fail to understand why we fight, i
try by all means to make things civil between us but it seems as tho
im hitting at a brick wall. All i ever wished for is for you to be
supportive in my life. All i want is for you to play your role, i want
to be proud to call you ‘daddy’. In all honesty you don’t deserve that
honour.

Heartfelt

ATM Fathers

More than half of South African children live without their fathers, this is according to Tebogo Monama of the Sowetan Newspaper (18 June 2012). Research by the University of Johannesburg and non-governmental organisation Sonke Gender Justice found that absent fathers wanted to be more than ATMs to their children but because of the complicated relationships with their mothers and black customs like “inhlawulo” the kids are suffering. (Sowetan 18 June 2012)
There is a continuingly growing trend of ‘ATM fathers ‘these are the men who plant their seeds anywhere without much thought. They assume the role of an ATM without playing any significant role in the lives of their children. I believe that everyone needs more than just money from any relationship. More especially, as a child we need love, nurturing, authority and validation from both parents in order to be an emotionally healthy individual/adult when you have to raise your own. (Keletso Thobego of Mmegi blogs)
With black culture, costs related to having a child (inhlawulo) and marriage (lobola) are key drivers of why most young black men today don’t want to get married and will resort to being the ATM dad. (blady excuse). When a relationship ends between two individuals who have a child, women tend to be the ones who are left to care for the baby, nurturing and spending more time with the child. This therefore makes it difficult for men to play their parental role (which is not only buying ama khimbi ne bisi or imali ka doctor). When the relationship between two parties involved ends horribly, woman then tend to use the children as weapon to disrepute the father. They tend to deprive the father of time with the child but ALWAYS DEMAND monetary contributions. This is unfair because already mommy is forcing you to have perception of whom or what daddy is in your life. (the financial contributor)
Back in the day, when people had children they were forced to get married. Possibly we should go back to doing this because it did influence responsibility and accountability. This will somehow reduce the nation we are brewing of a dysfunctional society of people intertwined in empty, complicated relations. (Keletso Thobego of Mmegiblogs)